I find one of the few things that help me control anxiety and stress right now is walking. I twisted or slightly separated my right hip so this been hard but I have to get out. Outside helps the stress and anxiety as well.
Why would there be stress in my life currently? I am on a flight path and I still react to low flying helicopters. More helicopters then planes. Covid-19. My Dad is 91 and after my Mom's death on Christmas Eve this causes worry for me. My Dad is one of those who is not always following the guidelines. And since my Mom's death, he talks much more about dying. It is hard.
More stress? Race. Two of Koda Bear's brothers are of mixed race. I have never asked of what heritage but they are brown. Koda Bear and I had the conversation about how different his brothers lives will be because their skin is brown and his skin is white. We had this conversation after Ahmuad Arbery's death. We have those conversations.
Then my 91 year old father. Conservative. In the Army during the Korean War where it was indoctrinate that Asians were called gooks. Who know has two half Asian grandchildren. I am not sure I will ever convince him of anything but he asks good questions and he listens. He also thinks every police officer and every protester the does violence should be arrested. He does not discriminate about that. I wish more people would just listen.
I was bussed during desegration. That was forty years ago. So recent in history. My sister was bussed. Our brother was not. I was thinking about it the other day and found it quite fascinating how different our groups of friends are. My best friend is Muslim of Turkish and Pakastani heritage. My sister is married to an Asian man. I think he is of Chinese heritage but I do not wish to get that wrong. Almost everyone I work with now that I am not in the oil industry is brown. Most of the chefs we work with are people of color. My brother seems to have mostly white friends. He is the one who was not bussed.
I will be honest. I could live the middle of nowhere. A lot of rural is very white. But I am most comfortable in city neighborhoods that are mixed. Race. Age. Religion. Economic. My neighborhood has gentrified around me. It is nice to have closer grocery stores. Otherwise, I miss when it was not so middle class. The diversity has been driven out becasue of money.
Have I protested? No. Because I can barely walk and I am exhausted. I have donated money to organizations that feed people. That is my thing. I am trying to figure out how to support and protest in a way that feels authentic to me. Feeding people. Growing food. That is path I am going head down. It will require more thought and research to figure out what is the right path for me but I am okay with that. I will be authentic to myself. Which is all that we can ask of anyone.
I know this is a babble but it is what it is.