to all, joy and peace

Merry Christmas.  I wish joy and peace to all.  And all the wishes of a new year filled with joy and peace.

I know I have not been in this space most of this month.  It has been mad.  I have been helping the boyos of Serenity Knives, trying to do my own work, taking care of small humans, and trying to be there for my Mom and Dad.

My Mom went into the hospital last week.  She was reacting badly to the chemo and decided to go into hospice care and come home.  She died Christmas Eve morning.

Both her and my Dad kept telling me not to come until after Christmas.  I abided to her wishes but talked to her everyday until she was not talking.  I was told she was peaceful and comfortable when she passed.

I will be traveling to see my Dad starting tomorrow.  With the small humans and the Tall Short Person.  Even though all I wish is quiet.  I could drive across country in quiet right now.  I will probably not be writing until the the new year.  Or, who knows.  I have missed this space.  I have just not figured out how to be here when life gets that mad!  But I may have figured out how to post from my phone.  

I keep getting asked how I am doing.  I am sad.  It comes in waves.  I do not seem to grieve in a way that is expected.  Expectations are due to society and family baggage.  I think we need to be okay with everyone grieves and celebrates differently.  But I find different is hard in our society.  Unique is hard.  I have been the black sheep for many years within my family, then not so much, then put back there during my Mom's short illness.  I kept telling my Mom I would do what she needed.  And wanted.  But she had to tell me.  She did.  That did not settle with other family members.  When did listening become such a bad choice?

Lots of babble and thoughts on this page.  Expect more as I watch people around me react.  I also have a harder time typing on my phone then the computer so please pardon any errors I do not catch.