I am back for a bit

I am back for a bit.  My Mom's memorial is at the end of the month but it was good to be with my Dad for the week after her death.  I, the Tall Short Person, Koda Bear, and Blue were also there for my Dad's birthday which I think was a good thing.  Not that we did anything very special.

My siblings and I did an interesting style of overlap.  My sister and her family left the night I got in after she was there for my Mom's death and the days after.  My brother got in on the day after Christmas with his family so he could start helping with the arrangements.  Weather got in the way for him being there on Christmas.  I got there Saturday after and stayed until January 2.  I cleaned out things.

My Dad was ready for the house to feel more normal.  My Mom had not been sick long but there was medical gear and people since November in the house.  Hospice took the big stuff back and we found someone one who could use the unopened medical supplies.

It may seem fast for some people, but he did not wish to do her clothes.  He would have but becasue I was there I cleaned out two closets and two dressers full of clothes and shoes.  There were also two coat closets.  He asked me to basically go through every guest room drawer and shelf in the house.  Other family members had problems with the wrapping closet (also known as the Christmas closet) so I did not touch that.  They can.  My Mom had a whole walk in closet for wrapping presents.  It is where the Christmas tree is, broken down but not boxed.  The day I was getting ready to leave, he was pulling things he would never eat out of the kitchen cupboards so I helped there.  

I did go through every picture I could find in the house.  There is a want for a picture display/presentation at Mom's memorial.  My baby book got eaten by termites or destroyed in a hurricane.  Or both.  It was nice to see some of my baby pictures.  I was a very serious thing even when I was small.

If anyone asks me how I am, I am okay but I have also not had a chance to stop.  I am used to being in my parents house without my Mom around so it was almost like she was on a trip.  Or in their bedroom reading.  Or in her office working.  There is a lot of quiet in my parents house unless grandchildren and great grandchildren are around.  After driving back, there is just life to take care of here.

I am needing quiet.  But that is not my life currently.  I am considering doing more short camping trips.  Just because I can.  And I want to go to Santa Fe to see the Georgia O'Keefe museum.  I am to try to do that this spring but it will depend on how the sharpening business goes and how flexible it is.  There will be more traveling to see my Dad.  More phone calls.  There will be changes just because.  

to all, joy and peace

Merry Christmas.  I wish joy and peace to all.  And all the wishes of a new year filled with joy and peace.

I know I have not been in this space most of this month.  It has been mad.  I have been helping the boyos of Serenity Knives, trying to do my own work, taking care of small humans, and trying to be there for my Mom and Dad.

My Mom went into the hospital last week.  She was reacting badly to the chemo and decided to go into hospice care and come home.  She died Christmas Eve morning.

Both her and my Dad kept telling me not to come until after Christmas.  I abided to her wishes but talked to her everyday until she was not talking.  I was told she was peaceful and comfortable when she passed.

I will be traveling to see my Dad starting tomorrow.  With the small humans and the Tall Short Person.  Even though all I wish is quiet.  I could drive across country in quiet right now.  I will probably not be writing until the the new year.  Or, who knows.  I have missed this space.  I have just not figured out how to be here when life gets that mad!  But I may have figured out how to post from my phone.  

I keep getting asked how I am doing.  I am sad.  It comes in waves.  I do not seem to grieve in a way that is expected.  Expectations are due to society and family baggage.  I think we need to be okay with everyone grieves and celebrates differently.  But I find different is hard in our society.  Unique is hard.  I have been the black sheep for many years within my family, then not so much, then put back there during my Mom's short illness.  I kept telling my Mom I would do what she needed.  And wanted.  But she had to tell me.  She did.  That did not settle with other family members.  When did listening become such a bad choice?

Lots of babble and thoughts on this page.  Expect more as I watch people around me react.  I also have a harder time typing on my phone then the computer so please pardon any errors I do not catch.