brain musings

In early August, I got my second opinion about my eye.  Since then, I have been trying to figure out in my brain what to do next.  And take care of all the people in my life who I take care of.

The second opinion is that I will need a cornea transplant.  The ophthalmologist believes this would have happened with or without the injury from the ax.  The head trauma just made it happen now.  She believes that I have something called ICE syndrome.  What caused it?  Not sure.  It may be viral.  My arthritis may be a factor.  It will be a factor about how long the transplant would last.  It is possible I would need a cornea transplant every five years.

I am wondering if this is a way for my body to tell me to rest.  To take care of myself instead of others.  The surgery would also require a cataract surgery at the same time.  I would need to be flat on my back for three days (45 minutes out of every hour).  I am not sure how that would happen with my life.  My boys really like Alaska The Last Frontier and they say a lot "with this lifestyle, this is how this works."  That is how I feel about this surgery.  With my life, how would I make it work.

I have medical ground work to do and tall short person has school where I watch the boys twice a week.  My ophthalmologist is changing practices.  The surgery I would need is also not common so there is usually only a few surgeons in a city that can do it.  Whether Houston or Seattle, it will take doing.

During all this, I have been back and forth to my Dad's too.  More doctors appointments.  Shoe shopping that turned into a doctors appointment.  Potential of more surgery.  My sister found a companion for him so that is less of a worry.  He did fine by himself but he did not really wish to be alone in case something happened.  As he pointed out, health decline can happen fast and everyone else is a flight away.  I do not worry so much if I cannot get up there every other week.  And with doctor appointments, work, and family, sometimes it doe not work that well.

We planned a trip to Homer this fall.  That is where these pictures are coming from.  I really like picking a state, then a small town, and going.  I gave the boys the choice of Utah, the mountain, or Alaska.  They chose Alaska.  I then said Sitka, Homer, or Kodiak.  They said Homer because we had already done Sitka.  It was a long flight and a unexpectedly long drive to Homer.  The four hour drive turned more into six.  Would I do it again?  Yes.

Homer is a small town.  It was shoulder season so we missed some festivals.  The autumn colors were lovely.  The temperatures were wonderful.  We had much rain for a few days so I was glad the duplex we rented had a washer and dryer.

Was there a lot to do in Homer?  Not really.  The Pratt museum was good, especially with Blue who ran through it but thought all the skeletons of animals were great.  The Wildlife Refuge Center was also good, but again boys attention spans.  There was shopping but the main place we went was the hardware store.  There were a lot of places that were already closed for the season, especially on the spit. 

I did look up a lot of the easy hikes.  Blue does not really do distances yet.  I was trying to keep the hikes under 2 miles and they worked for him.  Both energy and attention span.  Bear grumbled about every hike until he was on it and then he would say it was the best time ever!  We went walked the beach, walked the Beluga Slough Trail, Alpine Meadows loop, and Calvin and Coyle Trail.  I could have walked more but all of these worked with ALL the boys.  

I would actually go back when we can saunter longer.  But I have a feeling that another small town will be fixed next.  Driving to Anchorage has also been talked about.  I also really liked that we had a duplex with our own kitchen and washer and dryer.  We ate much better because of it.  We ate once in Homer at Thai Cosmic Kitchen.  Highly recommend.  It is some of the best Thai food I have had.  I was told Thai food is very popular in Alaska.

Adventures are good.  

not chorizo

Life has been busy.  I have been traveling a lot to my Dad's.  Not so much for him but for me.  A partial cornea transplant is now being seriously talked about for being in my future.  A second opinion is next.

I feel sad.  Sometimes depressed, but mostly sad.  I keep trying to do the things that make me happy and healthy but it is hard.

So I walk.  I try to sew and crochet.  Sometimes I read and watch videos.  I am giving myself the grace to just feel what I feel.

We did take two fairly impromptu road trips.  One to Abilene.  Abilene was just because.  How many back roads in Texas can you hit between Houston and Abilene.  That is how it felt.  We saw some beautiful scenery and ate some good food.  But the wind was brutal.  I had hoped to go for a walk in Abilene but I felt like I was going to be blown away!

We also took a road trip to the Salida, Colorado area.  My Beloved wanted to test a long trip on his motorcycle.  I basically put a pin in the map and said here.  The area was gorgeous.  We did some camping.  Too many hotel rooms and too much food out were the only real issues for me.  But I realized that I woudl rather eat my own cooking and sleep in a tent.  I would do the trip again but differently.

Because of my eye, because of my arthritis, I am trying to do everything I can do without drugs to lower inflammation.  One of the things that helps me a lot is much less animal foods in my life.  I will probably never be totally vegan because I eat what people offer me when they cook and I like traveling.  Some of the places we have started to research have had the comment that being vegan is difficult.

I borrowed Unbelievably Vegan from the library.  The author has some really excellent ideas.  My Beloved, who loves beans, has had it suggested to him that he needs to eat less.  I decided to try her chorizo recipe.  

Now I like chorizo.  But I do not like how grease it usually is.  This not chorizo based on walnuts and sun-dried tomatoes tasted right to me without the grease.  I did not heat it up but it can be.  I was also thinking I could season it differently and it could be taco meat too.  This is definitely something I will make again.

not chorizo

From Unbelievably Vegan but with my own variations because of course I did not get everything from the grocery store when I was there!

1 cup sun-dried tomatoes, soaked in boiling water for 15 minutes and then drained (not oil packed!)

1 cup walnuts

1 teaspoon ground ancho

1/2 teaspoon ground chipolte

1 teaspoon salt (I use Real Salt)

3/4 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon ground sweet paprika

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1/4 teasppon ground black pepper

1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar

Put everything in the bowl of a food processor.  Pulse unit well combined and kind of looks like chorizo.  You may need to scrape down the sides.

I served this directly on the salad that is pictured.  You could fry it for breakfast or heat it for tacos.  I am going to make it again tonight for dinner with taco seasonings instead.  Since this can be served hot or cold, I have been pondering if it would not be good camping food.  I am seriously thinking about trying it in a couple week.

life and travel

Life has been busy.  We went to my Dad's for doctors appointments.  My eye may be healing.  But a second opinion has been floated for more ideas.  Yes, my ophthalmologist is stumped.  And stem cell transplant has also been mentioned.  We keep hoping the path we are following is working and will stick.  It did not stick last time so I am keeping fingers crossed.

All the boys were with me for this trip.  I took the small dinosaur to the arboretum with me because we were waiting.  We ran and looked at trees.  He sat under a tree and was calm and still.  Not his usual.  During the flights and airport trips he reminded me of a dinosaur more then usual.  It was how he was holding his body.

Then it rained.  We still went to the Japanese Garden.  I love Japanese Gardens and Seattle has a lovely one.

The small boys could have spent hours there except they were soaked from the rain.  Cold fingers and toes.  But lunch that day gave me food poisoning. 

I am still recovering.  I am having difficulty finding balance of how much I can do.  Even balance of finding how much I can eat.  Very small bits are what are settling best.  And yes, I am trying to eat all the probiotic food.  I am on a plane again to see my Dad early next week and I just wish to be well for that.

But life continues.  I took out two sweaters that I decided I wished to be less fitted.  As I told a friend, I no longer work in an office, I do not need anything that fits that close.  I keep thinking about making myself a jeogori (a piece of tradional Korean clothing) because I can sew that and work much like a sweater for me.  Between my shoulder blades is often cold.

I was able to start bread this week.  The small dinosaur boy decided to play with all my quilting squares so I needed to clean that up.  I need to sit at my sewing machine for my sew.  It is just small fingers wish to help.  Hand sewing can fit that need.  I am that point again of finding balace between family, creative, and travel.  One of the things I am working on is taking a hike every weekend.  I will just keep working on it.

Much camping

The end of March and April we took the small boys camping almost every other weekend.  One trip was to celebrate my birthday.  The others were because both boys do so much better outside camping.  One trip, I was the only adult and that worked well.

I am trying to walk someplace new on any other weekend.  My left cornea is not healing.  My ophthalmologist did make me laugh.  I have idiopathic cornea edema.  With a straight face, he told me it means the idiots do not know why my cornea edema has not reduced.  He also floated the idea of a cornea stem cell transplant.  

I am currently on three prescriptions because he and his cohorts do not know.  I have been talked about.  One of the prescriptions is for glaucoma and it can cause more pain.  Outside is a good place to be.  I do not have much energy by the end of the day between this and boys to feel like being creative.  Dinners and dishes are also interesting.  The Tall Short Person broke her wrist on her dominate hand and helps the best she can but....

I have done some nice things for myself like have coffee or lunch with friends.  I have to admit I have tried to keep in it in driving distance.  Driving and reading have become more difficult because of my eye.  I may end up learning more Mandarin and Korean due to this.  It gets back to reading.

I see the doctor again this week.  I am trying to be what be will be.  I currently would love to go to Abiqui Campground just to be.  I may take the next fifth Sunday I have to do that.  Because I am still working all the markets.  My creativity is about pouring knife scales.  Or a few rows of crochet.  It will depend if I can find a campsite.  That is Memorial Day weekend.  I can hope for New Mexico or West Texas.  I would like desert.

But watch the doctor or doctors change my plans.  Or my Beloved's.  My Dad has some early June appointments too.

Life keeps going forward.  And getting more twisty  More walking.  More camping.  More stitches, whether crochet or sewing.  Sanity is the priority.

spring and not parmesan

I was at my Dad's again.  Lots of rain, some sun shine.  It was very much spring in the Pacific Northwest.

More doctor appointments.  There was good news.  His heart is healing from the COVID created congestive heart disease.  But it appears something flipped in his genetic code and he now has a very slow chronic leukemia.  He is stage 0 and caught very early.  The treatment is currently no treatment and it can be that way for years.  It is just a watch and see.  He has to go to the doctor's office every three months for a blood draw which he groans about but it is what it is.

Construction has started on the display room.  And the remodel of the house.  My Beloved said he wanted a kitchen remodel.  I said yes if he took care of it all.  Somehow, that project grew and I keep getting asked to make decisions.  It is not the small cabin I really want so I do not really care.  It is surprising how often I say I want this and someone else says I do not think this is a good idea.  Even down to colors.

I have been eating much more vegan and I find my inflammation has gone down so much.  One of those things that I did miss was parmesan.  I found a recipe for not parmesan that satisfies even though it is not parmesan.  I have used this multiple times now and it is wonderful with sauce or without sauce on pasta.

not parmesan (vegan parmesan)

Note:  This is from the Minimalist Baker website.  I have not even modified the recipe which is so not me!  (laughter)

3/4 cup raw cashews

3 tablespoons nutritional yeast

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

3/4 teaspoon salt

Put all the ingredients in a food processor.  Pulse until a fine grind.  Like the horrible can parmesan.  This is better!